12) Sugar Rush
Within reason, we try very hard to limit
the amount of candy Jonas eats at home (at Grammy's it's another
story…). The day after Halloween it was clear that not all parents are
as judicious as we were by the fact that children were literally running
up to us and screaming and then sprinting off in the opposite
direction. The adults that were present only looked slightly concerned
by these jacked up little monkeys but we knew better: these were
children that could not be reasoned with…
11) Dadcolepsy
It is a common occurrence in our house for
Jonas and TJ to disappear in his room to “fight guys” and, when I peak
in to let the cat out or bring in laundry, TJ will be completely passed
out on the floor or the bed while Jonas continues to play around him.
Most times it literally looks like TJ has fallen suddenly ill on the
spot and Jonas cannot be bothered to stop what he's doing to help him.
Jonas' room is only one of the forms of kryptonite in our house (there
is just Kid Kryptonite and Robot Kryptonite and Gotta Get a Comic Done
Kryptonite). Sleep is never for the weak when you enter our house.
10) Taskmaster
I am a naturally gifted list maker. My
lists are organized by order of importance, arranged by room,
subcategorized by length of time and can include a list of supplies
needed to accomplish the job. I have notebooks devoted to long term
lists, lists of things to do when I'm on vacation, lists to prepare us
for Comicon, lists of what I will eventually get everyone in the world
for Christmas. Everyone in the house LOVES my lists, they honestly can't
get enough of them! When I leave for work on the weekend I make sure
that there is a teensy, tiny list devoted to the most stinky and
horribly necessary tasks that have to get done (especially while
expecting a baby there are a few things I physically cannot do at this
time and it drives me MAD). I'm convinced that TJ and Jonas would be
lost without them.
9)Wedding Complainer
Year Five seems to be the age in which
kissing is the least tolerated and most unacceptable form of affection
ever. When our niece was planning her wedding, we told Jonas that he
would have to wear a nice shirt and a tie and that was enough for him to
kick up a fuss. When he found out that people get kissed when they
married, I'm pretty sure it broke his brain in such a way that it will
not be fixed until he's a teenager (or hopefully when he's 20). That
same weekend, Jonas earned big laughs at a showing of “Wreck It Ralph;”
two of the main characters kissed and, in the silent theater Jonas let
out a very loud, “ Ugh, come ON.” The kid has timing.
8)Pretty Girls
Our dog Robot is as adorable as she is
unusual looking. She is a Bulldog-Pug-Corgi and, we are convinced, the
prettiest girl dog in the universe (I may be biased). Jonas is nothing
if not fair so it was very nice of him to pay his father (and his
luxurious beard) a compliment, but Jonas is still figuring out the
genders at this point. He knows the difference between boys and girls,
but was just recently singing a song about how I was a very cute boy. I
would like to say that, as a feminist, we have no gender roles in our
house…but I'm pretty sure he's just jerking me around.
7) Career Choices
By 30 I've got the “wife” and “mother”
items checked off my own personal “To Do” list (See! Lists for
everything!) but what I want to do with my professional life is still a
question mark. I just keep working and hope for that giant lightning
bolt of inspiration to hit at some point. For Jonas to try to badger a
vocation out of me at 4 years old freaked me out to my core! Of course
he wanted to be Batman, or Dr. Batman or, my favorite response: “Batman
or…nothing.” Maybe that's my problem, TOO many career options.
6) The More You Know
The eternal struggle of bedtime is one
that I'm positive every parent goes through at some point. “How many
stories, how many songs, AAAAAH I have to go to the bathroom again SOOOO
BAD!!” TJ and I differ as to how many stories and songs we will sing
from night to night (I'm the more generous parent, i.e. the “sucker”) so
when Jonas starts to badger more out of me on any given night in an
effort to stall, it can get a little ugly. The fact that he pulled the
“Why won't you let me learn?!” card remains one of his most hilarious
and least convincing arguments to date.
5) Life Skills
Thankfully this comic is an exaggeration
of what could have been when I left these two dudes to their own devices
for 3 days. However, TJ admittedly does not now how to do laundry (I
don't think they've classified a learning disability for this yet but TJ
would be a prime candidate), but gratefully the rest of the house
looked great by the time I got home. For this comic, and the preceding
travel related one, we mostly tried to think of the funniest and
grossest things we could include. I'm pretty sure that, given the
option, Yoshi would probably prefer the diaper because he's lazy and
disgusting anyway. He's the Al Bundy of cats.
4) Efficiency
Making more than one trip from the car to
the door is unacceptable UNLESS the following is involved: dog food AND
cat litter, paper towels and toilet paper without handy plastic handles,
more than two gallons of milk. I have broken many a'blood vessel in my
arms, wrists and hands just trying to Hulk everything to the door
unassisted. It's a great source of pride for me and I'm lucky to have
found a man who feels the same way.
Tied for 3) The Bat-Mom and Thora the Explora
In the quest for the perfect Halloween
costume, these were both kicked around as possible companion pieces to
Jonas' Loki costume. My self made “Thora the Explora” theme song still
get stuck in my head (and I'm convinced that Dora would be a much better
show if she had that hammer). Jonas, still confused about genders, was
pretty adamant that I could only be something that was always a girl
(even the Bat-Mom didn't work because I would have totally wanted the
fake foam muscles instead of the typical Bat Girl costume). I think we
all know that there is only one kind of woman that can inhabit that
Black Widow costume and I am definitely not her.
2) Of Genuine Concern
As a family we have spent a lot of time
discussing “stranger danger” and what to do if someone you don't know
talks to you. During these conversations Jonas would verbally
choreograph elaborate fight scenes between him and one (or many
strangers) and we would just emphasize, “No, just RUN AWAY!,” to which
he would reply, “But first I kick them in the pee pee, and then poke
their eyes, AND THEN run away right?” He still has questions about
stranger danger awareness but thankfully they are much easier to answer
than, “What if a stranger tries to fart on your glasses.” Also, I don't
think Home Alone has helped with this subject at all.
1) Villainology
This remains one of my favorite and most
unexpected comics to come out of Jonas. His Star Wars phase has waned
slightly, but at this point in his life he was still pretty obsessed
with Darth Vader and “The Scary Guy” (aka Emperor Palpatine, I'm pretty
sure Jonas thinks that they are greatly misunderstood). We sing songs to
Jonas every night so he's aware of music, but for him to just start
randomly humming one of the most foreboding themes in all of cinema
well…I can't say that I wasn't a little worried. While Jonas still tends
to empathize with the villains in films and TV shows, his generally
sweet nature at least means there is a long way to go before he
eventually turns to the dark side.
Honorable Mention: Dance Contest
To get Jonas to dance on camera has been
an near impossible task so this comic will serve as an important
historical document for future generations. Jonas is proud of his butt
and that he “got” it, so why not flaunt it? To get TJ to sing or dance
just requires him to hear you say random words that might remind him of a
song or for there to be an instrument within 100 feet of his body. For
the both of them to get on board for the “I Got My Butt Doo Doodily”
song is truly a magical collaboration.
